Minor Thoughts from me to you

How dodgy debt is transformed into High Grade Enhanced Securities, sold for million by creative bankers, then recognized as just some dodgy debt.

You really should watch this parody of "24". Not only is this hilarious, but really -- isn't life a lot better than it used to be?

You know how it's said (at least, I've heard it) that after a long marriage, you tend to start resembling your spouse?

Next time I witness such a phenomenon, this story will make me wonder:

"Twins separated at birth have married each other without realizing they were brother and sister, it has been revealed.

"The British couple's marriage has now been annulled by the High Court after judges ruled the marriage had never validly existed."

Next time anyone calls the plot of Oedipus Rex forced, we know just where to refer them.

(From FOXNews via SKY News)

Im Gegensatz zu vielen anderen Pokerspielen, bei denen die Pokerspieler gegeneinander spielen, online blackjack hier die Spieler direkt gegen das Haus.

Well, the Chinese have stopped even pretending concern for the welfare of the foreign peoples to whom they export. As if shipping potentially hazardous tires, dolls, wooden art sets, and even faulty fortune cookies wasn't enough, now they're selling people missiles.

But Saudi Arabia, a country so renowned for being concerned with safety that it still doesn't allow women to drive, has taken a stand. Its own Interior Ministry recently

"made its largest terror sweep to date, arresting 208 al-Qaida-linked militants in six separate arrests in recent months... The ministry said members of [one] cell were planning to smuggle eight missiles into the kingdom to carry out terrorist operations, but it did not say what kind of missiles or what the targets were. [The newspaper] Okaz reported Sunday that the missiles were already inside Saudi Arabia [when they were confiscated]."

A Minor Thoughts source also confirmed that lead-based paint was used to decorate the weapons.

Bruce Campbell

What do you get if you mix the classic comedy The Three Amigos with the cult classic Evil Dead series of humorous horror films?

You get Bruce Campbell's new movie My Name Is Bruce, an indie flick (you'll rarely see Bruce starring in anything else) in which actor Bruce Campbell ostensibly plays himself kidnapped by his #1 fan, who has seen far too many of his movies and earnestly believes Bruce can save his town from a very real Chinese demon. Campbell, of course, simply believes that the whole situation is a grand example of method-acting, and his agent is behind it all

Something about these types of films fascinates me, perhaps because by their very nature we see so few of them. Nothing like My Name Is Bruce could exist if Bruce Campbell himself were not America's great B-movie icon, patron saint of the working-class actor - a status he cemented in 2002 with his extremely successful autobiography If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of A B-Movie Actor (the obvious problem with his having become famous for taking on awful roles, of course, is that he has thereby created his own career's ceiling; God knows, he'll never get headline work as anything else now - but that suits the reportedly very humble Mr. Campbell just fine). Since he is, a wonderfully unique little cinematic experience has been created, one which doesn't even require a high level of quality to be enjoyable: a tribute to and roast of an awful sub-genre, encapsulated in a tribute to and send-up of a man identified with it more than anyone, starring the man himself.

And starring him in a way which is not offensively worshipful. Just as musicians sometimes betray their total self-obsession through songs about themselves (e.g., Fergie's stunningly odious "Fergilicious"), movie stars' occasional forays into self-portrayal often feel uncomfortably egotistical. Mel Gibson's cameo in Paparazzi is an example of self-portrayal done right: with a touch of self-deprecation. According to early reviews, My Name Is Bruce takes the same approach, but runs with it.

"[Bruce is portrayed as] rude to his cast mates and crew, hitting on a pretty co-star with some more terrible one-liners, treating his fans like dirt, attempting to fire his incompetent agent (played by Ted Raimi in one of three roles), finally retiring to his trashed mobile home where he gets drunk and passes out on Shemp’s Hooch..." (Ain'tItCoolNews.com )

You can't help but like that; sure, nobody (at least, nobody worth taking seriously) blames Chuck Norris for signing onto Sidekicks - as Roger Ebert writes, "Norris is believable in the role, not so much because he is playing himself as because he is the kind of nice guy who actually would do something like that" - but Campbell's approach is far more entertaining.

At least, it would be entertaining if I were to go see it; I doubt any theaters in Korea will be showing it (in fact, I doubt more than a handful of mainstream theaters in the U.S. will be showing it). So it goes; I'm not the target audience anyway, and to appreciate something is one thing, to enjoy it quite another.

Above: "Blogger Etiquette."

The Economist is a classier magazine than most. Even the comments on its website's blogs, I've often noticed, tend to be of a far higher quality of cut than you'd find, say, here, where you * won't even post and give me the attention I pathologically crave.

But back to The Economist: Really, on what other site is it demanded that you register not just any old "username", but under your very own "pen name"? And how many websites automatically add the address "SIR-" to any e-mail you send them?

I don't know, but I'll tell you one thing: our own Webmaster Joe here at Minor Thoughts could learn a thing or two from this approach. Why I have to read posted comments that start out "Hey, Butthead", I don't know, when we could program this WordPress mutha to automatically add "To The Writer Of The Most Brilliant Article I Have Ever Read" to each barbed arrow you misanthropes aim at my sensitive heart.

A new preview of coming comic Batman & The Outsiders shows Batman pontificating in his cave about why a shady corporation manufactures "quantities of Berkelium and Californium".

"Two highly radioactive substances with no practical industrial applications,"

muses the crimefighter, adding that "[the corporation] has contacts with the European Space Administration."

The writer of the series, Chuck Dixon, is well-known as one of the handful of dyed-in-the-wool Republicans that somehow manage to find jobs in the entertainment industry, so it's not surprising that he'd be the one to slip in a jab at the other end of the political spectrum. What is also not surprising is that, having suffered all my reading life through similar little apropos-of-nothing comments from the 90% of writers out there who are Democrats, I find I'm really no more amused when the shoe's on the other foot.

Above: "Y'know, Jake, I gotta say... Talking with you and opening up like this really does beat looking at my dad's magazines."

Remember that age-old stereotype concerning what men want to do and what women want to do? You've seen or heard it a thousand times, perhaps even experienced it yourself: the woman wants to talk and get to know the man. But the man, well, y'know, he's just interested in - ahem - one thing...

No longer, Folks. Time.com's Bill Tancer reports:

Currently, for web users over the age of 25, Adult Entertainment still ranks high in popularity, coming in second, after search engines. Not so for 18- to 24-year-olds, for whom social networks rank first, followed by search engines, then web-based e-mail — with porn sites lagging behind in fourth.

Clearly, when seeing a woman naked is less important than social interaction for a college-age man, it's not the Battle of the Sexes that's been lost - it's the War.

The Good Lord's reputation for cruelty amidst our world's heathen is in no way improved when scientists make discoveries like this:

"A sexy sway of the hips, long-believed to be a sign [of] seduction from women, actually may mean back off, according to a new study.

"A woman with a sexy walk is unlikely to be ovulating, which is typically when single women seek out male partners, according to a new Canadian study, French news service AFP reports."

Yes, you read that right: a woman is least interested in sex right when her body is performing magic show-worthy feats of hypnosis on male passersby.

On the plus side, say what you want about the misuse of American tax dollars on grants for questionable academic research, but those Canadian professors are earning their public funds.

President Bush: "General Musharraf, you can't be the president and the head of the military at the same time."*

General Musharraf: "Aren't you?"

President Bush: "...Uh... Well.... Hell. Yeah."

Above: New GOP logo.

Although the Bush Administration has quite typically failed to capitalize on it politically, all Americans are this week definitely enjoying the benefits of Republican-birthed legislation: additional sunlight.

According to FOX News,

"If you turned your clocks back one hour Sunday morning thinking it was the annual move back to Standard Time, all you succeeded in doing was moving into a new time zone... President Bush in 2005 signed the Energy Conservation Act, which pushed back the time change in an effort to squeeze just a little more daylight — and a bit of energy savings [And let's not forget sleep - Adam] — into the daily lives of Americans."

Yes, it's certainly a public relations coup ("GOP '08: A Little Ray of Sunshine In Your Life"). However, those of us of a more theological bent perhaps cannot help but wonder: could this be one more ominous example of Big Government extending its influence into spheres best left inviolate? Is an inept bureaucracy really capable of deciding better than ourselves and God just how much daylight we should all get?

I do not think I am jumping at shadows (of which I notice there are now fewer). There are already worrisome reports by refugees from that most confused of government powers, North Korea - apparently on Sunday morning it became March. The American state of Georgia, still experiencing a severe drought, must now contend with an extra 1% of scorching rays from Father Sol. And questions are already being raised as to just how deep in bed our elected officials are with Big SPF.

Add to all of this a horrifying experience I had once with a tanning salon (I literally spent three days naked as a result) and - well, I guess I'm just afraid of your average, low-income American getting burned by The Man again. Let's be careful out there.

Why do we from the U.S. sometimes call people "Indian givers"? Is it because a generation's worth of experience with the cutthroat prices of 7-11 and the Holiday Inn have convinced us the term is an oxymoron?

As it turns out, no; in fact, it doesn't even have anything to do with India. According to our totally anonymous but still surely trustworthy friends at Wikipedia,

"The expression 'Indian giver' is based on the belief that Native Americans would lend items to the settlers, in other words, let them borrow necessities. The settlers thought that this was a gift from the Native Americans; hence, they were shocked when the Native Americans asked for their items back."

Which, you have to admit, explains a lot - like, for instance, why after the Native-Americans gave Native America to us walking ghosts over a hundred years ago, some of them have had the temerity to ask for it back. Or, even more brazenly, to be paid for it. I mean, yeah right. As if we didn't do them a favor by taking all that tobacco off their hands; every time the Surgeon General wins a lawsuit, our cigarette companies should counter-sue the whole Cherokee nation.

Sheesh. No wonder the Mormons decided these people are Jews. You're feeling all buddy-buddy and then: ka-ching! Your bill, Sir!

But wait: _The Phrase Finder _ suggests that everything isn't so cut-and-dried as we might like to believe.

"It is more likely that the settlers wrongly interpreted the Indians' loans to them as gifts."

Uh... Hm.

Well-

OK. Let's face it, that's possible. Seriously, raise your hand if that hasn't happened to you, y'know? An honest mistake. And it does explain why a race so ostensibly into borrowing didn't invent the library before we did; I was all set to accuse Benjamin Franklin of intellectual theft.

Indeed: if this is the sort of miscommunication that's been going on all these years, I can start to see where some of this Native-American hostility toward us honkies is coming from. How long have we White people just been taking their stuff on the assumption that it's all a gift? How many of those "Take One Free" tables I keep running across on reservations might really just be good old-fashioned tourist traps? Good grief, they probably have an arrest warrant out on me by now.

Fellow members of the Master Race, we need to make this right somehow. There's a lot of healing that needs to go on here, and it's probably going to take us a while to figure how to really iron it all out. In the meantime I suggest we start with small tokens of affection.

Maybe we can name our favorite sports teams in their honor.

Here's a confession for you: I don't like reading blogs.

I don't even like thinking of my posts on Minor Thoughts as part of a blog, even though they quite clearly are. Why I don't isn't the point of today's entry, but I touched on it once when I explained why despite my living in South Korea, Minor Thoughts never analyzed the Korean hostage situation in Afghanistan.

"During such crises, there’s very little one lone lil’ blogger can say that isn’t being said everywhere else. The very point of the blog-o-sphere (that’s still what the kids are calling it these days, right? I told you I’m out of touch) is, after all, the opportunity it presents to receive alternative perspectives generally unavailable from the mass media - that is, we no longer need to be told by news corporations what your typical man on the street thinks, because the man on the street is basically running his own newspaper, and what he thinks is sometimes far more interesting than previously reported, even if his presentation is inferior. Republican radio shows in the U.S. became popular for the same reason.

It should go without saying, of course, that if a blog is not providing content substantially different from what we can all get from the pros, then there's no compelling reason for anyone else to check the site - but no: it turns out a high number of people have apparently missed this point, leading to the creation of a seemingly infinitely-expanding cyber-world of political commentary sites even more vitriolic, less in-depth, and as devoid of logic and principle as the pundits for whom people pay.

Now I'm not an elitist in any meaningful sense; I'm perfectly happy that anybody who lives in a Western country can, by this point, throw up a blog about how much they hate someone in office. It's not their freedom which I disdain. It's not even their use of it. It's just most their product. Which is par for the course, I know, concerning any liberalized field - it's in the nature of the free market to produce the greatest number of misfires as well as the greatest number of successes.

Now with all that said, there is one blog I do check daily, and I'm going to recommend it to you. It's called Functional Ambivalent.

The tag line of Functional Ambivalent is "Politics. Culture. Pointless rudeness.", but the ideas on the site concerning the first two are predictably ignorable, interesting only for the webmaster's apparent political schizophrenia. One day Tom (that's his name) will post a perfectly reasonable assessment of why Hillary Clinton's idea of a national baby bond program is insane. The next, he'll turn his energies toward universal health care and deliver a typical you-just-don't-care-if-all-the-babies-in-the-world-DIE-you-monsters type screed. 'Tis strange.

It's the "Pointless rudeness" which makes Functional Ambivalent a site worth subscribing to. Whatever the quality of his logic, Tom is an undeniably gifted writer, and when he's writing to amuse us (as is generally the case), he's consistently far funnier than Dave Barry has been in over a decade. Trust Tom to not only uncover the most bizarre stuff online and bring it to your attention, but to do so with a headline and bite of commentary that doubles your laughs.

He's also both willing to play and donate to worthy causes. A wine connoisseur, Tom has started a pool amongst _Functional Ambivalent's _ visitors, in which one of them can win a bottle from his collection if that person most correctly predicts when Fidel Castro will die.

Where Tom's website shines, though, is in its longer, more personal posts, the product of those times when Tom sits down, shrugs the Great Democrat Chip from his shoulder, and just writes for a while. His most recent such post is typical of him: "Because Baseball Is A Game Fathers and Sons Can Enjoy Together" chronicles his pitched battle with his oldest son to come out the winner in a fantasy baseball league. It's good material, not just grammatically correct but actually well-presented.

And it still pales in comparison to almost any one of his "Sex Day" columns, which unfortunately he doesn't do nearly so many of anymore (they used to be weekly). Yes, it's probably telling that such features on the site are always the longest and most carefully written of F/A's content, but when reading them, you won't care. You'll just be laughing at his apology for writing only a short article about premature ejaculation ("I'm sorry, really. That's never happened before. I usually last a good 3,000 words."). Those who know me understand that I'm not easy to please when it comes to sexual humor, anymore than I am when it comes to toilet humor or Bush humor; I consider them all typically low-brow and unamusing. But Tom manages it (WARNING: That does not necessarily mean he can do it to you. Your preference may skew to the more conservative, in which case I suggest this blog here).

In a society slowly rendering one-man business all but obsolete, Humor is still very much a product capable of being generated only by individuals' personalities. I'd argue that makes it an all but tailor-made export for blogs. Functional Ambivalent is the best one I've seen at it. Please, give it a look.

Above: Oh yeah, Baby, what a... a... drawing...

We kid you not: in celebration of the release of X-Men 3 this year, entertainment site IGN.com released an article listing the "Top Ten X-Babes" - that is, the ten most physically attractive women featured in X-Men.

Not the women featured in the movies, mind you.

The ones in the comic books.

Jean Grey "burns with more than the Phoenix Force," moans the article's writer, and Storm will "never win a prize for congeniality, but it's impossible to deny her beauty." Psylocke can "stab our psyche anytime."

And IGN.com's number-one choice for hottest X-Babe (oh, you know you were going to ask)?

Emma Frost, the White Queen: "Emma's a hedonist, who wears lingerie to go jogging. And she's a teacher."

Guess there's always a bright side to these sorts of things: if these guys weren't so aroused by artist Jim Lee's pencils, the rest of us could conceivably have more competition for the real women.

(... Nah.)

Courtesy of The Jerusalem Post's Blog Central:

"Yale’s chapter of Delta Kappa Epsilon, another fraternity, garnered infamy in 1967 for branding new pledges with hot coat-hangers... The Yale Daily News reported the incident, quoting one DKE brother who called the branding ‘insignificant’."

That brother lived on, of course, to be our 43rd president, Mr. George W. Bush, Class of '68. Which raises the following fascinating possibilities:

1: When President Bush claims the US does not treat terrorists inhumanely, and human rights activists claims the US does, is it possible this is all simply a misunderstanding, and what most of us wimps would call "torture", President Bush just thinks of as good old-fashioned hazing? Is the liberal media withholding photos of Iraqis chugging beer by executive order?

And:

2: Does our commander-in-chief have a question mark on his bum?

President Bush has cannily refused to comment, possibly in an attempt to increase interest in his forthcoming presidential library. Only conjecture is therefore currently possible, and even too much of that probably wouldn't be healthy. But comfortingly, it can be safely said that the truth will eventually come out, as while men of power in America may opt to take their secrets to the grave, we know our representatives in the media are perfectly willing to follow them there.

Above: A child exhibiting suspicious behavior.

Proponents of raising the U.S.'s minimum age for legal drivers are having a good week, as recent news stories seemingly lend credence to their dire warnings that today's U.S. drivers are simply too young for the responsibility of being behind the wheel.

Reports of a 4-year old in Wisconsin crashing his parents' SUV into their garage might be easily enough dismissed; after all, SUVs are very famously large vehicles, and even your Minorthoughts.com correspondent's father once dented his Baeur-designed beauty trying to park in his basement's limited space. But now we are told that an 11-year old boy has led Louisiana's state police on a high-speed chase, after an officer of the law tried to ticket him for going 20MPH over the highway speed limit (it was 60; he was doing 80).

One can't blame this egregious violation of road rules on simple lack of driving experience. According to police, the child had been driving without incident for a good six months prior to the time of the incident.

March 2, 2005's edition of USA Today pegs the issue as simply one of brain development:

"For years, researchers suspected that inexperience — the bane of any new driver — was mostly to blame for deadly crashes involving teens. When trouble arose, the theory went, the young driver simply made the wrong move. But in recent years, safety researchers have noticed a pattern emerge — one that seems to stem more from immaturity than from inexperience."

Will the age-uppers finally make some headway? They've got opposition; even some parents, traditionally the party-pooping nemeses of teens everywhere, oppose new laws regarding driving ages. After all, children who can drive themselves around are more useful. The previously-mentioned 11-year old boy was dropping off his disabled father at the hospital and heading over to pick up his mother from work when police noticed him.

_

Above: _Madame Secretary tactfully avoids Kim's gaze.

One interesting fact known by few around the blogosphere about North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il is that the feared tyrant is himself a skilled surfer of the World Wide Web.

That's because he never told anybody until this week, when he informed R.O.K. President Moo-hyun during their "historic summit" (if they keep saying it, you will eventually believe it, damn it) that "I'm an internet expert too."

How much of an expert is he? Maddeningly, President Moo-hyun did not take the opportunity to press him on the question, so to what degree, say, North Korea's web page testifies to Kim Jong Il's personal programming savvy remains unknown. But the Leader likely does know how to e-mail, if you believe rumors that he asked former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright for her address back in 2000. And your MinorThoughts.com correspondent has also found him registered on Facebook.

One thing's for sure: the ramifications of this newly-unveiled dimension to the dictator's character are enormous. It's much easier to coordinate six-party talks about nukes if everybody can just meet in a chat room.

Economists are turning en masse* to new careers in stand-up comedy.

The most well-known example of this new shift in the job market comes from the work of Yoram Bauman, a PhD. who teaches at the University of Washington to pay the bills when he is not performing shows like this.

But he is far from alone at this point; in fact, your correspondent's brother, a stand-up who will be receiving his own degree in Economics this Spring, recently performed an act at L.A.'s The Ice House.

And that's not all: Since writing his autobiography, speculation has been running high as to what newly-retired Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan will choose to do next. Now, in light of actions taken by his fellow economists and a few comments of his own (for instance, that Hillary Clinton "wouldn't be a bad president"), some* are beginning to wonder if America's Elder Statesman of Finance, who always did look like Woody Allen, is finally listening to the siren call of the mic.

• Meaning "at least two people"._

Never lose sight of the tireless battle necessary to protect out freedoms.

The National Anti- Quartering Association, America's foremost Third Amendment rights group, held its annual gala in Washington Monday to honor 191 consecutive years of advocating the protection of private homes and property against the unlawful boarding of military personnel.

The NAQA was created in 1816 in response to repeated violations of the Third Amendment during the War of 1812. The organization quickly grew in influence and cites its vigilance as the primary reason why the amendment has only been litigated once in a federal court since the Bill of Rights was ratified. The organization is also arguably the country's most powerful political lobby; every politician elected since 1866 has fully supported Third Amendment rights.

From a letter to the editor of The Economist, concerning congressional hearings in the U.S. on subprime mortgages:

"Taking up the reference to Oscar Wilde, an English man of letters, we could say that, in contemporary credit markets, the cynic knows the listed but not necessarily transactable price of everything but neither the probability of default not the loss given default coefficients of anything."